Story Jam is Seven
Lyrics
PHIL DONAHUE (By Stephanie Rogers)
Written for a story by Lynne Jordan, 2016
Phil Donahue your son’s a racist
And I bet you didn’t even know it
You’re the talk host everybody loves
But you spawned an asshole
Stevie Wonder has estranged kids
And Joni Mitchell has a daughter
Who’s been in jail and hooked on heroin
And tried to steal her money
When you don’t live up to your mom and dad
That’s so sad, that’s so sad
Martin Sheen is an activist
Who played POTUS on Sorkin’s “West Wing”
But Charlie his abusing son
Has sullied his good name
When you don’t live up to your mom and dad
That’s so sad, that’s so sad
HER/SHE (By Kari Nelson)
Written for tonight’s story by Archy Jamjun
The night before my solo show,
I got a phone call from my Mama
She told me that my Auntie died
My favorite Auntie, my diva
Didn’t wanna know…didn’t wanna know
What about the show
Next day I started thinking of all of her stories
That b*%& was crazy
Her life was a glitter tapestry made up of f*% you
And let me be me
You don’t even know… you don’t even know
She was the whole show
Her/she wouldn’t be me without her/she
And all her diva badassery rubbing off on me
Her/she wouldn’t be me without her/she
Is all of the reasons I’m on the marquee tonight
Why the show’s gotta go on tonight
Cause of her
MIRACLE (By Stephanie Rogers)
Written for a story by Paul Teodo, 2018
Everybody says run before trouble comes
On a road in the dark
Everybody lays low through the afterglow
To avoid any harm
It would take miracle to save you
Bounty of angels or some light shining through
There must be a glow in the deepest dark
Heat in the coldest heart
Leading the way for a fallen soul
Where we have lost all hope
It would take miracle to save you
Bounty of angels or some light shining through
THE MASHED POTATO CLUB by (Stephanie Rogers)
Written for a story by Corrbette Pasko, 2018
Down on Erie boulevard
There’s a miracle martini
In a real exclusive club
Serving bacon and cream cheese
And if you’re name is Cregg
Or if your name is Cohen
Nobody checks ID
Cause here there ain’t no judging
The Mashed Potato Club
You get two scoops or one
You better get your food by ten
Because then … It’s a gay dance hub
Bouncer McKegstand
Wouldn’t stand a chance
He doesn’t like his mashed
He’s a homophobic man
And if he had some insight
Possessed a bit of heart
He’d let everybody in
So we could cry at the bar
CHORUS
And your mom is a liar
Who doesn’t lift soup cans
She dismisses true facts
With the wave of a hand…
La la la
CHORUS
MIS LIMONES by (Sarah Marie Young)
Written for tonight’s story by Nestor Gomez
Limón, naranja y ahora este mango
Softly speaking, holding my basket of fruit
Truth is, I am afraid
Mistakes that others have made
might make you the same
Corazon, pulmones, riñones hidago
Como se siente mi papa mi papa
I never learned in my school
How to translate what his face is telling me
I know I may talk slow
But I’m here and I need help with my lemons
La la la la la la la la la
I’ll try In my mind and it’s two sides
Say I am here and I don’t want to lose
Fruit no one here will buy
In my mind and it’s two sides
I am here, I don’t want to lose my lemons
DR. BUZZCUT & THE DEFIANT MOO MOO (By Liam Davis)
Written for tonight’s duologue by
Anne Purky & Maria Kostas
Paging Dr. Crack
The cutting floor is calling
Waiting room soundtrack
Is just caterwauling
Paging Dr. Buzz
Paging Dr. Feelgood
I need it just because
And I need it real good
I am I am I am I am
I am The Defiant Moo Moo
I’m so here for this
So self-asserting
Paging Dr. Kiss
I think I must flirting
Keep your platinum blonde
Keep your nuts about you
I’m not your demimonde
I am Defiant Moo Moo
I am I am I am I am
I am The Defiant Moo Moo
NO CELEBRITY by (Stephanie Rogers)
Written for tonight’s duologue by
Richard Munchkin & Melissa Reaves
When I look around the room
Everybody else looks like me
And all I see is that I am still unique
Cause I don’t really give a shit
About appearing on your tv
But who am I if I’m not who I think I am
Hey…I am a normal human
Hey…I read the news I’m common
Hey…I haven’t lost my sanity
I’m no celebrity
Wouldn’t it be fun
To star with Denzel Washington
Or sail the sea with Pitt and Clooney
But I can have my fun
Being a librarian
Or serving tea at Jerry’s Deli
Who am I if I’m not who I think I am
Hey…I am a normal human
Hey…I got no fans in Saigon
Hey…I get my neighbor’s wifi free
Hey…I ride the bus and pay rent
Hey…my car has more than one dent
Hey…I’ve been to Niles and Kankakee
I’m no celebrity
Hey…I never drink Remy Martin
Hey…there are zero films I’m in
I’m more like Homer than Loki
Hey…I don’t Tic Toc or Instagram
Don’t have a weekly cocaine man
I never carry a puppy
I’m no celebrity
I STAND FOR GIRLS by (Stephanie Rogers)
Written for a story by Patti Vasquez, 2019
Mrs. Jordan is an old school marm
With beady eyes and a pointy arm
Mrs. Jordan pulls the five alarm
Whenever girls get tough
Mrs. Jordan feeds the patriarchy
What you do for women is a travesty
I can almost hear dear Susan B.
Screaming from the grave
I stand for girls
I stand for Emmeline, Gloria, Betty Fried-
They took us far
Simone de-la Beauvoir
This is Malala’s world
I stand for girls
Mrs. Jordan likes to get her kicks
Visiting and harassing kids
Rest in Peace our Ruth B Ginsbur-ig
I can hear Her Justice say
CHORUS
How could a sister neglect to be
A fighter for equality
Or stand for freedom for you and me
We’re women grabbing back
CHORUS